Seeing all those happy couples makes you just want to beat them over the head with an industrial-sized dildo, but you can't, because that's probably a brand-new crime that they haven't even named yet, so they would name it after you. Role-playing with a toy bear with a huge by a dick. For single people, this is a hard time of year, and not in the good way. And you don't wanna know what happens to the beer next. What makes this guy special, though, is that he's got "a protruding tongue that vibrates at a high frequency when you press on its right ear," according to the article, so it's actually remarkably human in that respect.
Presumably, that ridiculously long name is the magical incantation used to summon the fuck-demon that turned a real person into this thing.
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